The diary of a doll

22 April 2003
11:12 p.m.

Vain
Listening to: H.I.M.: Beyond all redemption
Mood:

Another day, more electro-acupuncture. The treatment is supposed to be once a week. It doesn't feel great but it doesn't hurt.

I made the huge mistake of wearing a dress from when i was 12 because it is hot here and it's the freshest one i have and Andreas took a pic of me wearing it. It fits quite well, just a bit shorter than i would wear it but to put it mildly it isn't my style. So Andreas bribed me into wearing a collar for a whole month when i go to Sweden or he'll show the pic around (yes i'm vain). Of course if he breaks the deal he'll be the one wearing the collar for a whole month.

I'm still not in my weight. Keep being told i'm obssesed with it and well maybe i am. Thing is my clothes tend to be skin tight so if i gain 1 kilo there'll be things i wont be able to wear and i'm 5 kilos above my weight. Which means i can't wear half of my clothes which is quite frustrating.

I know i sometimes worry too much about the way i look. I'm terribly vain and i like looking good, it makes me feel good. i'm like this partly for insecurity, partly for self-love. I don't mind people not liking my looks, sure if someone spends half an hour telling me how horrible i look i wont be happy but it's basically that i like looking good for myself. I'm very picky and self-critical. I am usually quite easy-going when it comes to how other people look but when it comes to myself i'm overly critical. Whether it's looks, or how i write or how i work, i am just too much of a perfectionist.I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's how i am.

HASH(0x83eda38)

You're a vinyl/fetish corset. Grrrrowl.

Pain/Pleasure