The diary of a doll

18 April, 2006
10:28 a.m.

Recap
Listening to: Malice In Wonderland: Devil Dance
Mood:

Ok work’s somewhat slow (read dead and buried) today so I might as well make an update. Since I stopped updating for a while I might as well recap for a bit. Anyway I used to work at a wonderful Non-Profit organization full of people whom I just couldn’t get along for….. err several reasons, let’s just keep it at that. I don’t wish to badmouth people specially because I know that at least they believe in the work of the organization and that can’t make them all that bad plus my mom taught me that if you have nothing good to say about someone then don’t say a thing. Anyway I got tired of clashing each and every day with the same people, of the attitude, etc so I chose to sell my soul and I started working at a HUGE multinational company. There are issues like in any other work but taking in count everything I think this place is still fairly good.

Not too long ago I had two fantastic weeks that I swear I’ll remember for the rest of my life. Now why won’t I go into details? Well as special as they were right now I wish to keep a low profile because they were the starts of many changes to come and so I prefer to just let events unfold. However lately I’ve been thinking a lot and I’ve noticed that I was right. The same very country that I was born and raised in, the country I love has a lot of factors that drag me down when it comes to me growing and learning. I always thought that there was some amount of truth in that statement however I now acknowledge it completely. I know something has to be done about it but all in due time, I can be quite patient when I want to be. It’s surprising how a place can block you so much, I guess in a way my family isn’t of much help. Now don’t get me wrong I adore my family and I would give my life for them but in their effort to teach me right from wrong, to protect me from all evil, to do make everything good for me they sometimes end up hurting me more than doing me good. Lets say they are loving but sometimes in quite a sadistic way…. now THAT phrase explains a lot. However, all in due time, it’s just a matter of weeks by now.

At this point however I’m at a loss in some things. You know sometimes you cherish someone, you can say you even love them in a way and then sometimes you end up finding out things about them that even if that person isn’t a part of your life anymore, it hurts. I don’t know how to explain it really but I’ll give an example. I found out recently that an ex of mine would hit on other girls and say he wasn’t in a relationship while he was with me. This person, being an ex, doesn’t really matter to me anymore but knowing this now both changes my whole opinion on that person and at the point where I found out I admit it hurt me a bit. I guess it is human nature, I mean there’s a reason he is an ex but at the same time there was a point when I cared deeply about this person and this same person didn’t value our relationship. I got over the whole initial shock and slight pain by now but it’s not the only time lately where something similar has happened, granted the other time it was with a friend (ok not really friend now) and that was a lot more painful which is funny taking in count that I tend to be able to cut off people straight away without even flinching but this time it got to me. I still cut the friend off straight away but although I was sweetly cold on the outside, it did hurt and a lot. I guess sometimes people aren’t what they project.

Ok the entry’s long enough by now, more recapping later.

Kisses from your sometimes disappointed devilish diva;
Disco Doll