The diary of a doll

29 August, 2005
11:48 a.m.

The Rambling of the Living
Listening to: The Rasmus: Time To Burn
Mood:

Again, YES I’M ALIVE!!! I never said I wasn’t, just that my life’s been a nice little chaos filled with lots of things I need to do. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve paid special notice over the fact that life is far too short, too many people have been dying I tell you. All of them have been close to someone that’s at least a bit close to me. What makes it odd is that most of these people have actually died of cancer. Cancer is not a pretty thing I tell you, my grandmother died of it and it’s something that left my family exhausted both physically and mentally. I admit that I generally suck at saying things to people when someone close to them dies; I think it’s due to all the years of hearing my parents say that when my grandma died they didn’t want anyone talking to them. They felt that all things people were telling them were far from being comforting. I think that after such a long and painful struggle they just wanted to be left alone. So when someone dies I generally just stay quiet and offer the person a shoulder to cry on and a big hug, it’s the best I can come up with.

Me not finding the right words to say, I can tell you that doesn’t happen often. I’m a smartass and generally speaking I can come up with just the right phrases. Still, that doesn’t matter. My life right now is a big mass of…. of…. of…. err funky things. I know, that really delves into the topic and explains every last little detail. I just can’t really point it out but it’s tiring, entertaining and all in all a beautiful chaos. Can chaos be beautiful? HELL YES! How? I have no freaking clue but it manages. Oh Mr. C (lets call him Mr. C for name’s sake) and I are putting together a nice bunch of things to give to Victoria. In case you have been missing out, Victoria is a child that we sponsor through Children International. A wonderful organization I tell you and it does work; I have seen it with my own eyes! Actually if you can, please sponsor a child, you can check it out by clicking here. You know I’m a sucker for good causes my dog is adopted from an animal right’s organization and now this. To be fair a couple of years ago I promised myself I would give one child at least the chance to change their life, it makes me happy to see that I’m going through with my promise. Oh and to top it of I’m working for an organization that helps children!!! I care about others, now you all know my little secret and there goes my reputation down the drain. I’m sighing here, no really.

Now just to clarify; I care about others but that doesn’t mean I care about what others think, do or mess up unless I care about them in a personal level. Can you imagine if I actually cared like that? Oh boy would I lead a really depressing life. In other news I recently met someone who comes across as a very strong, self-sufficient, secure man and yet he fessed up that he’s quite insecure in a sexual level. This little boys and girls just proves my point, everyone has their insecurities. The point is not showing them. Why? Because a lot of people (too many) like to play upon these insecurities and use them like the latest novelty toy. So hush, hush and be careful who you open up to. Now back to work.

Kisses from your working devilish diva; Disco Doll

Your Beauty lies
in Individuality. Different, amazing, and all your
own. You like be set apart
from all others and most love that you do. You are
solitary at times, but for
the most part, there is no greater compliment to
you than someone telling you
that you are different. You're most likely a bit of
a fighter and you hate it
when anyone attempts to change who you are. You
wear what you want, look how you
want and don't let anyone tell you what do to. You
can be a little immature at
times and have trouble dealing with authority and
asking others for help. You
like to do things yourself and are independent
almost to a fault. But, people
still find your individuality amazing and the fact
that no matter what happens
or what anyone else anyone thinks about it, you
will not change who you are.