The diary of a doll

06 February, 2005
9:35 p.m.

Aging
Listening to: Rammstein: Alter Mann
Mood:

I sometimes wonder how I'll look when I grow up or older or however you want to say it. Well actually I only wondered it earlier today when I was flipping channels for a bit and they were passing the Flock of Seagulls reunion thing. I mean last time I saw those guys they didn't look like they do now and although I've never been a fan of their music or anything close to it, it was still a bit weird to see how they have aged. Usually when a celebrity stays within the spotlight they age quite differently than when they don't so seeing how they had shed their celebrity status and gone back to leading a normal life you could really see the years had done their work.

I mean for example look at something as simple as your hands now imagine how they'll look when you're lets say 60 or 80. I know a bunch of people that have a very big problem with dealing with something like this but facing facts we'll all age unless we die rather young which I personally don't want to do. I just hope that I age with grace really, I don't want to be one of those woman that dress like they're teens when they're forty something or older which in turn makes them look a lot older and quite ridiculous. I never dressed as a teen per se so starting at forty would be very wrong.

However I look at my friends, a bunch of them are in their late twenties / early thirties and I know that a good number of them are having trouble with this. The thing is not necessarily because you grow older do you feel older and some of my most party-friendly friends are having quite some conflicts with this. They still want to behave like they're say twenty years old but they can't. They can't go out and party each night or have sex with a different person each night or be as careless as then. They have more responsibilities now, it doesn't feel the same to party that much and sometimes they're even a bit jaded of all those things. So now they comment how things are changing and it's like they weren't ready for it, like they're not ready for life to keep moving. Sure they enjoy their life but they don't enjoy it the same way they did eight years before and that's stand off-ish for them. I could mention a hundred details they tend to give me about things that have changed and seem very unlike their old selves but I like respecting my friend's privacy. It's just awkward up to some point that I'm the one telling them how normal it is how they're feeling, all those changes. I mean people I'm only 21, shouldn't I be the one receiving advice by these very (and I mean VERY) experienced people and not the other way around? Shouldn't they understand better what's going on with them instead of me? That's a bit out of subject though I just basically wonder how I'll be like when I grow older. I hope I can be as grounded as I have been so far and not become a nutty wannabe-teen all of the sudden.... that thought gives me goose bumps.

Kisses from your level-headed devilish diva; Disco Doll

Youre the wolf of fire! You are the one who is most
likely to be a leader. The wolf of fire has a
deep passion for almost anything and is very
noble. They are athletic and rough but are
still tender on the inside. These are probably
not the most rare type but they are still very
special. A fire wolf is such a cool being the
way they eat and hunt together. If you are the
fire wolf then you are very social and proud
although you are not always loyal. But, still
being the fire wolf is a good thing because
they are strong and do most things
independently.

What Elemental Wolf Are You? (with pics/read memo)
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Pain/Pleasure