The diary of a doll

19 November, 2004
8:58 p.m.

Warning: Long Post
Listening to: Apocalyptica: Struggle
Mood:

The other day I remembered an ex, not N, another one. I think he's the oldest guy I've dated. He's divorced, has a kid and looks like your everyday mainstream guy (hey I had to date one of those at some point). I remember when I first met him, I didn't really liked him since he somehow reminded me about inquisitors (ah, old school Catholics). There was not a reason really, there was just something in his looks that screamed "Torquemada rules!" Just for the record I have nothing against Catholics but this one guy really gave me a Dominic priest back in those days kinda feeling. Anyway I chose to ignore that and just talk with him. He was nothing like what he looked like, he was actually into BDSM.... ok torture and Spanish inquisitors.... ok scratch that "he was nothing like" part. Still, he seemed like a nice, cool, laid back guy (before you ask, yes he was a Catholic but not overly religious). Somehow along the way we ended up dating even if he was far from being my type.

He and I dated for some time until he cheated on me with his ex-wife. It's funny, being cheated on with the ex-wife that is. You see some days before Valentine's day (yeah he was THAT sweet) he canceled two dates we had. The second time he canceled I still went out but I got a weird feeling about the whole thing so I called his place while he was out. After letting it ring a couple of times no one answered, I called his cell, the same thing. I went on with my night and when I returned home I called him again, first to his house and since he didn't answered then to his cell. He answered his cell phone and it turned out to be that he had been with his ex-wife that night. He said something about that she was very sad because she broke up with her boyfriend. At this point I was angry and I wasn't believing a word of what he was saying. We kept on talking and he fessed-up. He had been seeing his ex-wife for about two weeks. He said he had decided to give it another try with her because she promised she would change. By now I should say the reason they broke up was due to lack of sex. She had some issues and that caused her to not be a big fan of sex. He then started an affair with another woman, his wife knew of this affair but since it took the "obligation" from her shoulders she didn't mind until she felt she was spending too much time with the other woman. She asked him to choose and he chose the mistress. They parted ways in good terms and that was it until that February. You see earlier that year she had taken one of those courses that "change your life" so you don't turn into the guy with the van down the river (SNL reference people). He had taken the same course some months before and that had brought them together. When he explained all of this to me I was FAR from sad, I was pissed. I chose to keep my composure and just told him they would end up breaking up again. He said something along the lines of not wanting to loose me, blah blah blah . I told him to take his time and when things didn't work with his ex wife he could call me again and if I was available we would see.

Three months passed and lo and behold I was right. Things didn't work out for them so he called me. He wanted to start seeing me again and since I was taken I said no. We did have a couple of chats after that, some on the phone and some on messenger. He even told me we could start a more serious relationship to see if it could lead to marriage. Anyway, after many chats and talks I got tired of everything so I went down the road of "what if" questions. So what if I do go out with you? What if it works out? What if (insert your favorite non-rude phrase here). Things changed at that point. You see, I wasn't the kind of girl his friends would like. Why? To begin with I was young second that to the fact that I'm not mainstream and it shows. Oh and my hair, and the way I dress and the jewelry I use and the fact that I don't give a flying fuck and the cleavage and my tastes and... and.... and EVERYTHING!!! I was, I am exactly what his friends, his family and his whole social circle doesn't like. Underneath the surface he is exactly what they don't like either but you see he hides it and I don't. "Oh sweetie well to begin with you would have to pick your hair up." Eh... nope, no way. I embrace who I am and people should either take it or leave it. So you see in the end I wasn't good enough because I chose to be myself. Oh what a crazy world this is.

Kisses from your bad in a good way devilish diva; Disco Doll

Toreador - Artists and lovers of art, the Clan of
the Rose endeavours to keep the creations of
humanity protected from the endless Jyhad waged
by the Kindred.

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Pain/Pleasure