The diary of a doll

15 August, 2004
9:21 p.m.

Moving on
Listening to: Kidney Thieves: Black Bullet
Mood:

I had something to write but now I am confused so I just feel like bitching for a while. I wont anyway because what I want to say today has more importance to me than my momentary confusion.

I think if you've been reading my diary for long enough you probably know by now that I used to be bullied as a kid. I moved away from that city and that school around high school and continued to let the things that have been hammered for years into my mind bother me. As I grew older I started noticing an increasing number of guys checking me out, telling me I was beautiful and wanting to spend time with me. I still don't get why but the point is I noticed this. Soon after I noticed it I started thinking about how would it be to go to an old school reunion and letting my old schoolmates see how I had changed. I would wonder how it would be to make them eat their own words. Immature I know but those kinda things went through my mind every now and then. Not so long ago I kept on feeling the same way but today I thought of it again, remembering how I thought they would feel and it didn't matter. This didn't matter to me anymore because no matter what I'm still happy. I don't care what they might think anymore. I pondered about it for a while wondering why. Like I said before, the only reason for this is because I am happy. I don't need to make them feel anything, I don't care. I usually don't care about what people say but I would still let the past affect me.

My reaction may sound weird if you know me. I tend to let things slide rather easily and I'm a forgive and forget kind of person. My guess is that what happens when you're developing tends to affect you more. Still, it doesn't matter anymore. Thank you because it's your fault that this happened, you know who you are.

Oh and before I go just a little piece of advice. If you ever decide to play air guitar when the guitar solo of one of your favorite sons comes. Do not, I repeat do not let yourself fall to your knees at the end of this. There is a reason why guitarists do it less and less, it hurts... for a bit.

Kisses from your devilish diva; Disco Doll

See what amusement park ride you are.

Pain/Pleasure