The diary of a doll

28 May, 2004
8:00 p.m.

Personal style...
Listening to: Kidney Thieves: Glitter Girl
Mood:

I remember how I dressed when I was a kid. You see, since I was a kid I always had the freedom to dress however I wanted. The clothes I had were the ones that my mom would let me pick. So I had a fair amount of pink and lilac. I remember I would usually wear my hair up in a braid or two and sometimes in a ponytail on the side. Anyone remembers that ponytail during the eighties? Anyway, Barbie was the queen of every girl (I heard it is slowly being replaced) so naturally I had a couple of things that resembled the Barbie during the eighties style. I wore long sweaters with tights and I always stayed away from jeans. I hated jeans.

Then I grew up and suddenly all I wanted to do was cover my body. I would wear pants and the previously hated jeans, all a bit baggy. I would wear blouses that were people a lot older than me and jackets or vests. I would wear big sweaters and I remember covering myself as much as I could. I didn't feel pretty. I felt fat and quite ugly at that age. I would cover up as much as I could and then one day I got fed up. I got tired of feeling fat, I got tired of feeling ugly and I got tired of dressing like that. That day I started exercising. I remember I had a very strict diet and I would work out like crazy. I lost weight quickly and even though it wasn't a lot it showed. I was happy and so I went onto buy new clothes. I went for a late sixties/early seventies style. I had long flowing tops and tight bell jeans. I had high heels and platforms. I had tight fitting tops and hot pants.

This was when I went bonkers. My diet was more and more rigid, I would pretend to eat when I didn't. I would throw up each time I would binge due to the hunger my barely eating "diet" caused me. My skin changed color from it's normal fair and pale tone to a more yellowish one. My ribs started showing, my legs got skinny and I still wasn't happy. How is it you can't see your body as it is? How come I couldn't see how I looked and instead I just saw fat everywhere? I can't really explain. I thought I was just trying to be beautiful when in fact I was killing myself.

One way or the other I left that. My parents noticed it and I moved on. It wasn't easy but I did and it still isn't easy to keep a good image of myself all the time but I try. My style changed again while I got back on track. A lot of colors went away and black set a trend. Actually a lot of colors are still away and black is still pretty much alive. Lets just say I don't really look like an outsider whenever I choose to go to an event where there are mainly goths, punks or even metal heads. I know I'll continue changing (don't we all?) and my style will change again. Most likely I'll keep the basics but I'll still the looks will still evolve just like my personality does.

Kisses from your still devilish diva; Disco Doll

You are the Young Lion.

The poet and ingenue. Dionysus in the flesh. You
are intellectually and physically vigorous. The
only thing surpassing your creativity is your
sex appeal. But sometimes your head is in the
clouds and you may be accused of
pretentiousness. People are drawn to your
beauty, confidence and romantic idealism. You
should be carved in stone.

Which Jim Morrison are you?
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Pain/Pleasure