The diary of a doll

21 April, 2004
7:03 p.m.

Different
Listneing to: Kidney Thieves: Taxicab Messiah
Mood:

People are very funny. Well actually some are just plain mediocre. Why? Well people tend to be afraid of people that are out of the ordinary. That is changing somewhat. More and more people are accepting other lifestyles and ways of thinking. Still so many try so very hard to stay average. Even in subcultures that are supposedly there to help you be different and meet people that are different fall into this cycle. If you fall out of what's ordinary within the subculture you get called a poser.

Why are so many people afraid of things that are different though? You get shunned, even bullied if you're different. Ever since I was a kid I was shunned. I was a loner, I was different than your average little girl and so all the other little boys and girl would place me as an outcast. Actually it came a point in 5th grade (if I remember correctly) that for 6 months no one in my grade would touch me. They would play "you got it" with that person if they touched me by accident. It was rather tedious but then again I was different than them therefore they didn't like me.

I used to try and fit in but in my family being different is the norm. So in the end no matter how much I tried things ended up being the same. I plainly stopped caring then, I wouldn't fit in no matter what so I'll just embrace what and who I am. What happened then? Well first off the average person started disliking me even more or ended up being so confused they liked me. Second, I met really wonderful people. If you are a weirdo and you live close.... we most likely get along quite well. Last but not least I was a lot happier. I am a lot happier. So I am not quite your average girl. I tried dating an average guy. He was the perfect American guy. He was into sports, he was a good student, he was white and tall. He was a jock... and he was so boring. Don't get me wrong he was a great guy but there was just no chemistry. He was too freaked out by my views and too religious to accept me. He wanted to have the perfect average life, with the perfect average family.

I want to have many things that are usual within your average person but I want them my own way. I don't want to forget how to be myself, how to have dreams. I don't want to get a mediocre job and have no expectations. I don't want pastel colors all over my house, hell I don't even like pastel colors. I don't want to have sex in only the missionary position to do my duty as a wife/girlfriend/lover; I want to actually enjoy having sex and do what I like. I don't want to be grey when there are so many beautiful colors out there. I don't want to be average when in reality I am so much more. I actually want to be happy with my life, I want to be fulfilled.

Kisses from your (funky) devilish diva; Disco Doll