The diary of a doll

25 May, 2003
11:06 p.m.

Fear
Listening to: Danzing: Soul on fire
Mood:

Fear. My greatest fear is ending up alone, completly alone in the world. It's always so much more difficult to go on when you don't have someone to lean on or to listen or just to be there for you. Death is not something to be afriad of i think, unless you believe in heaven and hell and believe that you're going to hell. Still i don't think death should be feared, it's something natural and it's unavoidable as far as we know.

What else am i afraid of? Well... i really hate some insects. I am afraid, deadly afraid of bees. I think it all comes from when i was a child and they would love to land on my hair. Some kids had their dog following them, some even had flies following them. Well i had bees following me. When it comes to other insects well. I get all girly i think. I let out short screams and jump. It can be quite embarassing taking in count that i tend to keep a very distinct persona.

What else am i afraid of? Being hurt. Not in a physical sence, that i can go through. That i have gonne though and at some point you can learn to enjoy it. I just don't want my heart to be broken again, i don't want to cry for someone or because of someone anymore. I don't want to fall on my knees and drown with my own tears. I sometimes wish i was cold but for good or bad i'm not.

As a kid i used to be mortally afraid of fire. I remember i couldn't stand lighting a match. I would start shaking and sweating if i came close to fire and sometimes i would even end up crying. No more though, i stopped being afraid of fire long ago. I don't know how or when exactly. Now i like fire, it is so beautiful somehow. I used to be afraid of darkness as well. I was always afraid of it because who know what darkness holds? Nowadays though i love darkness. I like to get lost in dark streets away from people and just walk under the dim moonlight. I like the feeling of the cool night air against my skin. How that wind caresses you. I guess i'm not afraid of what darkness holds because among other things it often holds me.

Kisses from your devilish diva; Disco Doll

Grim Reaper

What Nightmare are You
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Pain/Pleasure